Venom Quill's latest 'article' appearing on January 6
Minister of magic knocks up Auror
Jones remains in dangerous job despite lovechild

Late breaking news recently has alerted me to a sexual scandal that threatens to shake the rafters of our very society. Dominic Abbott, Minister of Magic, who lost his first wife very recently to a Death Eater attack, was seen recently leaving a medical office with his girlfriend, and sources confirm that she is indeed pregnant. However, rather than do the proper thing, like announcing the child’s impending arrival, or getting engaged to Jones, or even persuading her to quit the job that threatens her life and her child’s on a daily basis, Abbott has instead chosen to put forth no more effort than it takes to keep Jones’s pregnancy swept under the rug.

Jones, who hasn’t even been involved publically with the minister for a year, sets a poor example for young girls by allowing a relationship with the Minister to compromise the integrity of her job, as well as for endangering the child that resulted from that relationship. Did she seduce the minister when he was on public time, conceive this child in his very office? Did she think that trapping Abbott with a child would lead to him proposing marriage? Clearly she was mistaken. Little is known about Jones other than the barest facts: she seems obsessed with coffee (which is troubling when you consider her pregnancy), she’s in her early forties, and she’s never married. Though my sources confirmed that the child appears to be healthy for now, one never can tell what effect stresses and dangers will have. If the child suffers for its mother’s foolishness, will Abbott sweep his own son or daughter from public eyes as well? Will he send it away like he did his own first child after the death of his wife?

Do we even trust Abbott with another child? After all, what if things go amiss with Jones or if she gets herself killed in the line of duty (assuming, of course, that she gets herself killed AFTER the child’s birth, there’s a very good chance it might happen before and end Abbott’s need to worry) and he’s stuck raising a baby that he never wanted to begin with? Given his actions in sending Hannah Abbott out of the country after the death of her mother, it doesn’t sound too unfounded. Would he send this baby in a basket to some unknown relative, or expect his own grown daughter to raise it for him? Clearly SOMEONE in this child’s life has to be an adult and raise it, as neither parent seems to have the capabilities of doing so now.

Shame on you, Abbott! I vote for candidates who display strong family values, and at the time you seemed to display the most. Shame on you, Jones! You have sunk to a new level of despicable desperation for seducing our minister and for refusing to give up even a little few of your own desires for the sake of your child. You should both be fired for the poor example that you set for our youth. I ask…no, I DEMAND your swift resignations. Perhaps then you will both be remembered as more than this, though I doubt that your actions in the future will allow even that to happen.